This is my story of the McCone experiences I have had throughout the nation as I seek to record for posterity the quality of ice cream cones distributed by McDonalds to its customers...

In the summer of 2003, Tom and I went to the McD on 2th street, where the personnel there didn’t know how to make a cone. Their mistake was in letting me make my own cone - seems they like to use a little less ice cream than I slathered all over the cone I held in my hand. They made Tom’s and his was pretty puny compared to mine. His loss and my gain.

I have found that I usually use the McDonald’s on Michigan in Grand Rapids, as they are within a range of consistency that meets with my approval. My daughter Molly is not happy with that McDonald’s as they charged her for 2 hot apple pies but didn’t bring them out to her and after about 5 minutes she had to eat my cone before it melted, and then left without Tom’s apple pie.

Ok, it’s June already, and so you know that I have been back to the Michigan Street McDonald’s for a cone. I got my husband Tom to go with and he ordered “2 ice cream cones, please” and accordingly we got small cones. But that was because he had ordered them.

The cones at the Fulton McDonald’s near the John Ball Park Zoo aren’t worth the visit there. As a matter of fact, I shopped cones at all the nearby competition to deprive that McDump of my business to the benefit

During the 2005 summer, I have learned that McMichigan is open 24/7 which means that if I want a cone at 4 a.m,  it’s mine! Muhaaahaaaaa!

In July 2005 I went to a McDonald’s in the Cincinnatti airport for a cone. It was satisfactory but just barely. I am not going to be intentionally scheduling any trips through that airport in the near future. Hear that, McCincinnatti?

August 7, 2005 : today I had the most sorry excuse for a cone from the McD’s in McGaylord. What a joke! I ordered the “usual” which means I asked for a large cone. What I got would have been a small “regular” cone; to think it was a large cone is preposterous. I don’t know why anyone would go to that McCrummy since they can’t make a decent cone.

Ok, ok. I have to cool down a bit. That flooding in the South really has me upset - I feel so bad for all the victims there.

So I go to the McMichigan shop and order “one large cone” as I do every time I order an ice cream cone. I got a small ice cream. Maybe not even a very good one.

As this is unusual, I have made up my mind.  Did I say it was crummy?

Ok, now it has happened twice, the last time the day after Labor Day, and there is something else happening here.

While I realize that the McWorker Bees are all stoned on drugs at 2:00 a.m., I also see that Tom has been driving and is the actual person ordering these substandard cones. I think that perhaps that may have something to do with it. There is always so much to investigate in search of a good ice cream cone.

Ok, Tom picked me up at 2 and we went to get a cone. Tom ordered; it was huge. Apparently the night shift is on drugs and make the cones in a pang of “the munchies”.

McMichigan, mid-September. We ordered two. We paid for two. We were served one. Then when we pointed out we were still owed a cone, the lady took it out on Tom’s cone. I inquired as we left, “You call that a cone?” If you have seen Forest Gump you may know what we’re talking about.

Late September, 2005 : McNew Buffalo - DON’T GO THERE! Their cones are shrimpy. They do charge less, but a large should uniformly be a large. This is why Bush is President. There is no apparent standard when it comes to McCones - you are at the mercy of the server. However, don’t forget this - IF THE CONE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, DON’T ACCEPT IT.

Benton Harbor McOrchard - These are joke cones. Tom accepted them; I would have turned them down I think. McYuck.